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I went home to see the parents today. Mom lost her phone a few weeks ago, and dad ended up finding it in her purse. BIG LOL! She had already ordered a phone via the insurance, so I got to keep it…yay new phone with a pimp headset that I can use to listen to music from the lappy! DJ DJ here I come! Plus I can put music on a little SD card that fits in the phone and listen to it while I work or run or something. QUITE PIMPIN’, sucka.


My gut is acting up again. Not a clue why. I’m feeling occasional tiny sharp/dull pains in the lower-right quadrant of the gut. I was checked for appendicitis (no CT scan though…still pissed) and it came back negative. “WTF?” I said. After a week of strong antibiotics that were supposed to get rid of any infection I might have (including the one in my prostate), I still have no clue what the deal is with my lower abdomen. I’m going to clean the house to get rid of that factor that might be adding to the time I stay sick.

Dinner with the parents

It was nice to have a good—albeit awkward—dinner together with my parents. My mom still treats my dad with arms-lengthism, and my dad keeps trying hard to do anything he can to get back in her good graces. It’s so weird to be in the middle of that state of affairs as an outside observer. Yet as linked as we in the fam all are to the still-current situation, I feel every red glance as a lance in my heart, and every effort is placed doubly across my shoulders to win back the priceless prize of a woman’s heart. I look at my dad and feel the burning desire to scream and hurl literal and figurative bricks at him in trade for the pain he caused me on August 23, 2007. Then again, I want my old dad back; the man who would call me and cheer me up with awkward yet cherished conversations, the man who built our house into something we could be proud of, the man who I wanted to be for so long until the day he snapped the branch that led back to dignity, and parasitically leeched onto a never-before-seen vein of black anger and sadness in the earth manifesting as a hateful action toward his loved ones.

I love my dad. I miss my dad. I try to love my dad. I can’t hate him anymore, but might I forgive him now? Still not sure yet.

In other news, I called Estelle later. She had a good day at her track meet in Lubbock…broke the school record in the 100 hurdles with a 16.8, and ran a good time in the 400s with a 69. K’s still recovering from a screwed-ham…I hope he gets better very soon!

The ladies

I love women. I have three in my mind that I wish to get to know well. Names will stay out, but one I’ve known for a while and the other two I’ve met through Rezin (who happens to be out of the slam for now and is on the same two-year probation thing that John John is on for the crap both were involved with).

The one I’ve known the longest makes me smile because she is so silly. She’s such a lovable chum of mine. She likes to swing and salsa with me, and it’s such an ego BOOST when I run and grab her and she drags me to the floor for a few minutes of ridiculous play-dancing! I’m not that good anymore at most salsa, and I’ve never said I was anything at swing, but we really don’t give a shit when we’re out there on the dance floor. As long as we crack a few laughs and step on a few people, that’s what counts. It doesn’t hurt that she’s hot like lava, either. She has curves in all the right places…I can barely control the urge to yowl when she and I hang out. I’ve felt this way for five years and counting, but it has not really manifested into anything useful because of my baby-stepping ways.

Is she into me? No clue.

The woman with the most depth to her I met through Rezin. She knew him since he was a baby, and changed his diapers and such. She is sensible, totally self-reliant, and a great mother to her two girls. There manifests my issue; can I date a woman with children and not keep her kids at arms’ length? I want to get to know everything about her…this includes her kids, but if we end up going out and then we break up, what links will be severed among all three parties? I don’t want to hurt mamma and babies by my dumb actions…and I seriously don’t want to be just another deadbeat guy hitting on her. She is so beautiful in personality, countenance, and spirit that I fell head over heels for her when we met and barely disguised it as mild interest and a nervous tic.

Is she into me? Maybe, but in a careful way. I’d be the same way if I were a single mom and peeps were flauntin funky fresh. ARRRRRR!

The third woman in my eye was introduced to me by Rezin (again). He wanted her something fierce in high school, but never got to get in the door for some reason or other. She is—bar none—the only Socorro girl (in my eyes) who could zap my eyes with her stare while simultaneously singeing my soul with her sexual heat. Jesus, she’s SMOKIN. I think it’s mostly a hedonistic attraction I have to her now, but the experience I had at a party a few weeks ago could change that. She seemed to pull her petals back and show a little soul when we last spoke, and if it’s anything like the smidge I was shown that day, she’s actually deep and cool, like a pond in the summertime. I’m the only guy she’s ever danced with…she said she usually pushes guys to the wayside when they start getting physically close. She and I were dancing at that party and she looked at me soooo deeply, I swear I almost died. Her porcelain-doll smile makes me dizzy.

Is she into me? No clue, ask later.

K, time for bed, kids! I’m going to try and feel better tonight so I can clean the house tomorrow after church! Gotta be a good Catholic now… J

Keep it real.


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